I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i think i have herpe
just one?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
