i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
