So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
