talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Randomize
