the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Houston, we have a blender
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
