when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Randomize
