Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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