then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
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I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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