so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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