even my farts smell like vagina
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Randomize
