Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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