I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
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Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
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I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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