What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
