o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
We got so high we made milksteak
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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