Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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