just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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