do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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