i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm always down for nudity.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
