i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize