Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
