I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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