Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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