Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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