Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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