I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
