I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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