Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize