I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Dick very happy bro
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
