had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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