we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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