i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
