Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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