its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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