At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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