Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
