I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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