You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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