i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
