pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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