God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
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