o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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