I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
I have demons in me.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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