woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
