I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
