remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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