Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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