just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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