I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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