I think I died a long time ago.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
