I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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