So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
