My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
