I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
