watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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