it hurts more in the daytime
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
