she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Less talking, more tequila
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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