I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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