I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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