dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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